It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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