He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
