so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
