I should be sponsored by Trojan
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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