I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
