I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
