she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
