Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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