you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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