I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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