Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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