i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
