On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You ruined the universe
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
