I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
