Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
