i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
