I just cut my nipple shaving
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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