In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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