what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
