well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
