my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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