it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
