Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
