Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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