Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
