She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
