I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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