I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
