No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
