WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
