Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I want to be your penis for a week.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
