I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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