i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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