Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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