I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
