not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
