Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
