You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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