3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
