i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
