this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
