i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
