I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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