Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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