batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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