ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
