hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
