Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have fence marks all over my body
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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