I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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