I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
