Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
