Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
